The PUA Archives – Comments

This post will only resonate with certain people, and I am certain it will offend some people. I hope it helps that person that I am trying to reach, which is the only reason I post on this forum. I am sharing with you guys what I have learned over the last 20 years of my life.

I just made a post about kissing in the general section, and said that my position with these women I speak to is one of ultimate confidence. I used to be very shy, timid to a point of it being painful. I’ll spare you the details. Growing up I had many issues. I didn’t speak English well, I was weak physically and got beat up often, was poor at sport, didn’t have any talent, looks, popularity, many friends, and not much luck with women. Confidence was pretty hard to come by. So after some struggle with depression, I started on a journey to change things about myself. Learning seduction was just one more thing I wanted to know, one more thing to improve about myself. By the time I started to work seduction and social skills (just a few years ago), I had already spent years working on other facets of my life. Improving my physique, learning sports, improving my style, starting a successful business, learning martial arts, and many others. By the time I read my first books on seduction, I had already gained a moderate amount of social value, because of these things that anyone could see on the outside. All of this really helped me feel better about who I was. You mesh well with people, they are impressed with who you are and what you have accomplished, and their constant stream of approval (from men as well as women) all adds to your confidence. After understanding the basics of how women work, the basics of seduction, I took off like I was shot out of a cannon. Women were everywhere in my life. I was dating models and pro sports teams’ cheerleaders. I would go to the car show and go home with the Audi model. I was picking up women other guys fantasized over. The reason for this fast success was that everything else was in place. I already had done a lot of traveling, I already had interesting stories, I already had good clothes and nice cars. Whether I had to dance in front of a crowd or play an instrument, I was comfortable. I was at home. The hard work was paying off. Funny thing is before I learned seduction, all this groundwork still was not enough. Imagine a guy having so many qualities in a woman’s eyes being shy in front of her. Getting shot down after her enormous initial interest. Knowing seduction is that important. Unfortunately my dad didn’t teach me. He is still married to the only woman he slept with. Different times.

There is so much PUA information on this and other forums, there are so many books, Cd’s and DVDs, you can absorb more and more and more information. Thankfully, I didn’t need a lot of specifics. Once I learned some basic concepts, it is all that was necessary. I didn’t study this art for years to become a pickup artist. Hell, I barely know some of the terms guys here spit out. I still have to use the geek glossary.

There is so much importance in all these "other" things that make you a more attractive man. The things that create social value. That give you better looks, more ability, and make you more interesting. If you spend a lot of time on here thinking that learning technique will cure all your other ills, you are wasting time. Time you can be spending on self-improvement. I don’t think there is real magic to having women want you, although many really want you to believe that. You want to believe it, because it gives you hope as you are feeling weak in other areas. You don’t like your looks, or inability to talk or something else. Teachers want you to believe it because they sell product… so they really need your hope. I’m not selling anything and will tell you, don’t forget to fix your shortcomings. This will go a long way toward giving you a lot of real confidence. If you are in your 20′s, you have a lot of time. Just start now.

The point of my post however, is that even all of this "other stuff" still won’t get you what I call true confidence. Many guys on this forum have arrived at this point, but they have not been able to go beyond. You can have a lot of women, and think you are the shit, but there may come a point where one woman that you care for will not care for you. She will crush you. Or maybe some girl in a 3set will say something really negative to you, and it will hurt you. Perhaps you will not let on (as many that say "I don’t give a shit" do), but deep down it will affect you. You still don’t have true confidence. You still do not have the ability to pull almost any woman. Where does true confidence and the ultimate ability to pull come from?

It comes from having true value for yourself, at a very basic level. Stripped of all you have gathered in life, your possessions, your skills, your women, your status that you worked so hard for. Knowing that what really matters is none of this stuff. This is where my post will lose a lot of guys:

Your true value on the most basic level, what gives you true confidence, is directly linked to the value you have for others. If you value others for what they look like or what they own, you measure yourself with that same stick. Your personal value and your confidence is therefore tied to those things. When they fall, so does your confidence.

But if you value others because they are a human being and nothing else, then you have to also value yourself in the same way. You are also one of them. Does this make sense? When you value others you are kind, giving, and willing to spend your time to help them. Although you are giving to others, in an ironic way you are creating value (and ultimately confidence) for yourself. Can you see this very elusive fact? This is truth. Very few people are like this. Very few.

So who are you when you have understood this? You are a man that has gained high social value, yet does not measure himself by that value. You will be someone that almost every type of woman is attracted to. Not just the woman that has a big ego and falls for your negative criticism of her, and not just the woman that is supremely confident and sees through all your little PU games and stories. One type sees your high social value (or good PU technique) and is attracted to you. The other is someone who would normally tear you down because of those things and call you shallow or arrogant… but because she sees the genuine qualities, she too is attracted to you. This is the woman many PUA’s will call a bitch or cockblock because she did not respond to their techniques. They lose her.

Arriving at this place, you sit in the ultimate chair. Nothing can shake you. Nothing makes you lose confidence. Such a wide range of women will be attracted to you. From the 21 year old that loves the fact that you know all the bouncers, to the 30 year old woman that is super confident and reads through any sort of PU bullshit. You are now real. The kind of confidence you will have here is beyond what the best pickup artist has. You will be able to keep the women he loses. You won’t need to rant on the forum about how many women you have slept with, nor will you be measuring your value by it. You won’t get angry if someone calls you something or tries to belittle you. You are just calm and completely in control, all the time. Truly confident. Truly attractive. The real deal. This is what you want to aim for, not just learning PU technique. The number of women you sleep with in a month will ultimately not matter. Don’t get lost down that alley.