Silence is Golden
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Group: Beginners
Author: Washington
A good indicator to a girl on whether you’re a cool guy or a weirdo AFC is the "awkward" silence. You know, that period of time when there’s a prolonged silence in conversation?
I was waiting in line at a mexican fast food joint, and I noticed this couple sitting down, maybe a first date or something. The guy was a wreck: his back was slouched, he was smiling and giggling WAY too much, and even from 20 feet away I could feel that creepy/nervous vibe on him.
Anyway, so the guy will bring up a conversation, and the girl will respond, and as soon as there’s a silence in between the conversation, the guy begins tapping the table, playing with his utensils, looking around, shifting his body etc. Then he would bring up another topic, and the girl would engage, and so on.
Now this guy was a total wreck, but I bet a lot of you newbies dread that silent time. Maybe you don’t fidget as much, but you’re definitely thinking "okay, what next? What next? Cube? Palm reading? Breakdance on the floor?"
Chill out. because chicks have a sixth sense for nervousness. Rather, if you keep calm and KNOW that she’s attracted to you, you won’t have to do anything during that silence. Maybe she can bring something to the conversation. And if she doesn’t, then who cares? Maybe she’s shy. Maybe she’s tired. You know that you’re the man, so you don’t have to entertain her. Rather, you can reverse it and see how she reacts to that silence, and from that you can respond with conversation that is natural, and not the product of panic.
-Washington
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10 Responses to “Silence is Golden”
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1/20/12 Today I messed up with this chick that made eye contact with me and smiled on several occasions. I did not talk to her. I should have. And I regret it. Who knows what could have come? I will use this as a motivator. But it led me to a realization: I don’t fear rejection, but I fear the “awkwardness” that comes with rejection. I should realize that this is all in my head. It is really all in my head. It was silly, given that the thing was just a few minutes at most. And I could have easily started a conversation at any time. But I was paralyzed by my fear of the awkwardness. I need to overcome it. Or I need to realize that it isn’t real: it is a self-created, non-real barrier.
It all comes with PRACTICE. Remember: (1) approach (2) see if she’s interested. The rejection is safe.
1/20/12 Today I messed up with this chick that made eye contact with me and smiled on several occasions. I did not talk to her. I should have. And I regret it. Who knows what could have come? I will use this as a motivator. But it led me to a realization:
I don’t fear rejection, but I fear the “awkwardness” that comes with rejection. I should realize that this is all in my head. It is really all in my head. It was silly, given that the thing was just a few minutes at most. And I could have easily started a conversation at any time. But I was paralyzed by my fear of the awkwardness. I need to overcome it. Or I need to realize that it isn’t real: it is a self-created, non-real barrier.
Bad Beliefs:
- Promiscuous Girls = BAD
- Embarassment is intolerable and has long-term effects
- Flirting is creepy
- The number of women you have slept with is important
- Rejection = you are ugly
- Your best days of hooking up are behind you
- Kissing is important
- Everyone is hotter than you
- If you approached earlier, you would have gotten her?
- Disagreements are bad
Conversely, GOOD BELIEFS:
- Promiscuous Girls = GOOD (sign of a healthy-minded woman)
- Embarrassment is tolerable and is short-term
- Flirting is attractive!
- The number of women you have slept with is irrelevant (since you’ll never know who is telling the truth and what is a lay exactly?)
- Rejection = that ONE girl isn’t interested in you SEXUALLY (BUT MANY MORE ARE!!!)
- Your best days of hooking up IS NOW & THE FUTURE (what else do you have?)
- Kissing is unimportant (but fun)
- Some people are hotter, but “hot” is subjective
- You don’t know if she would have reacted the same to you!
- Disagreements are a healthy sign of independence.
- People are just regular people, even hot ones.
Presentation: (1) good fashion –> stereotyping??
*try not to look nondescript!!
The SHOW: (1) eye contact (2) strong body language (3) clear, slow talking (4) space invasion (5) touching
How does she react to your touch?
How does she react to your space invasion?
If GOOD, keep going!
If BAD/NEUTRAL, stop!
Good reactions:
-stays put
-strong eye contact
-smiles
Bad reactions:
-moves away
- a bad reaction does not need a response
- stay in shape!
- try not to build up expectations in your head
- just have fun! this should be fun!
- no masturbating!!!
Give up porn; replace with exercise.
Give up video games; replace with healthy eating.
Give up useless internet; replace with meditation.
Give up late nights; replace with early rising.
Be outside! Write! Explore!
Work on:
- strong eye contact
- approaching!
- the formula: how does she respond to your space invasion/touch??
- resist masturbating
- work out consistently
- eat right consistently
- meditate consistently
- look for ones shorter than you
- FEEL, do not THINK
So on my first attempt, I really had stumbled into this forum after fapping and thought, “Hey, that sounds like a good idea!” So I just went into it and held out for as long as I could. As the days went on I found myself edging a lot, first by playing with myself in bed, then by looking at girls on Facebook and dating sites, and then finally I thought, “well, just looking at porno won’t do anything.” I thought that as long as I didn’t have an orgasm, I could keep edging and be fine.
Turns out that was really bad. “Just looking” turned into a little bit of touching, and that turned into a little bit of stroking, and before you know it, I was looking at some really intense scenes and was like, “I can’t take it anymore. I’ve already broken the ‘no porn’ and the ‘no masturbating’ rule, why not break the no orgasm rule?”
Needless to say, holding in for 6 days led to the most intense, long-lasting orgasm I’ve ever had in a really long time. But afterwards I felt really disappointed. I succumbed to the chemical rush, and the next day I really felt “less of a man” than I did when I was nofapping.
Anyway, here is that I learned:
* Edging is bad! It leads to rationalization and ultimately to failure. I learned to be especially aware when I am fantasizing, since that is really the beginning that leads to more problems.
* I need to take away the “triggers” so to speak. So I try to get out of bed as fast as I can when I wake up, and I don’t idly surf the internet anymore.
* Being bored is really bad and is another trigger. If I have free time, I try to instead finish work, read a book, cook something, or go outside and take a walk.
* The benefits of NoFap really work for me! When I stopped fapping, I was more extroverted, confident, energized, and upbeat. After I fapped, I was usually tired, lethargic, introverted, and constantly “living in my head.”
* It is good to have a goal. When I started I didn’t have a set “day” to reach. I was lucky to have made it to Day 6. Now I’m trying to do a little more than double: I’m trying to reach 14 days (Feb 7).
So I hope my fellow NoFappers will read my experience and come away with some good lessons.